Praying for Taylor

I find a lot of irony in this particular blog.

This will be the 2nd Taylor that I have requested prayers for in the past year.

I thank God for the miracluous success with little Taylor (#1) who fought all odds last year with the rapidly growing tumours in her brain that called for an urgent widespread prayer chain. Taylor had an estimated 3 weeks left ... she's been recently captured in the cutest pics sitting on Santas knee (where I believe all children should be sitting close to Christmas time).

Now Im praying for a new Taylor. My Taylor.

She's my little cousin who I adopted as "my little kid" dating back to when she was born. We spend every Christmas together and now Im struggling with the second piece of irony.

My last 2 blogs:

http://hairmassacure.blogspot.com/2011/12/take-it-all-in.html

http://hairmassacure.blogspot.com/2011/12/climbing-out-of-christmas-despair.html

both reflect children suffering in hospital - going through the holiday season.

How could I have known that days after my last blog that another young family member would be taken to this place.... that I would return to this place.

Im feeling torn between my own selfish feelings and triggers and feelings for Taylor and all of the kids at Stollery right now. I shouldnt take this internally, I feel guilty for doing so.

I learned yesterday that its packed in Stollery right now :(

I also learned that Taylor was just transferred from ICU (a good thing) to 4E3 (our old stomping ground - Peds Oncology). Yuck.

I will return for a visit tomorrow and I will wear a smile for her, but inside Im absolutely dreading it. I don't want to go back in there at Christmas time, but again this is not about me.

Taylor was taken in this week by ambulance from her school. From what I understand she fell into her coma right there and then. Taylor is diabetic among other threatening conditions that impede her birthright to be healthy and normal.

When Taylor woke up a couple of days later, we breathed a sigh of relief until we learned that

her condition is still not understood and they are just treating symptoms.

Again, through the sick worry we are all so grateful that she is at the Stollery. She is really getting the best care she could receive in the country.

My last visit with her in ICU reflected a ton of teasing followed by soft little giggles.

I would not go in there and feel heavy, instead I would be the same Tammy that she is accustomed to.

I asked her why she chose this particular method of skipping school, what was up with her hair, why she decides to take "naps" in the middle of the day and why she seems to think she needs a higher IV tower than everyone else? I told her that when she decides to cause some trouble I would help her, and that I was gonna tell on her to my daughter Meagan about the hair thing (Megs is her hair stylist).

Every giggle was like music, every smile was gold.

Still I left feeling like I had been hit by a truck (and I really have - so I know the feeling).

I dont understand why some children are meant to suffer and why "bad guys" often go unscathed.

Like everyone who has lost or been affected by a suffering child - we feel desperate and helpless at the same time.

I will update my Christmas visit to Stollery, stay tuned.