Coffee spills

Remember when Tide sticks came out? I recall thinking "oh, another gimmick".

Thanks to Kali's relentless urging to purchase one, I am forever grateful.

Ive since upgraded to a Tide BRUSH (it comes in industrial sizes) as Ive had a few mishaps over the years.

My first coffee mishap (rescued by the stick) happened on a hot summer day, in white pants at the traffic lights, mocha in hand, avoiding a sneaky left hand turn.

I used almost the entire stick, said thank you to Kali under my breath and set off for my meeting with a wet crotch.

Could have been worse - brown stain makes more of an interesting first impression.

Found a washroom with a hand dryer that you can manipulate - aimed it in the appropriate place and waved sheepishly as the washroom door opened. Had it not been the donor I was going to meet with, Im sure it would have been less intimidating.

A few years ago while meeting with a volunteer I learned that the family was lotto winners..... twice.

As Elaine would do (from Seinfeld) I over demonstrated my astonishment .... "GET OUT!" -

knocked my coffee clear across the table with such speed and force it nearly broke the sound barrier. Tide stick didn't cut it that time.

At a karate tournament, I approached another blackbelt during intermission with the intention of engaging in childish play (while he was trying to eat his lunch). I used one one my "moves" on him - to teach him a lesson for always ambushing me with his "moves".

The plan was only to intimidate by just grazing the skin. I was over zealous and he was drinking a coffee. I roundhouse kicked his coffee clear out of his hand. He competed in a brown Gi. Was really glad we weren't paired to fight.

I met with a vice principal in his office prior to my presentation at a junior high school. Just getting acquainted. He provided me with a coffee. As he spoke behind his desk, I fell into his charming soft spoken voice.

The conversation turned to me as he asked questions about the event.

I got comfortable, real comfortable as if to dazzle him with my really great story. I leaned heavily with intention on my left arm, on the arm of the chair, real cool like - Sue Sylvester face, coffee in left hand.

Should have checked first IF the chair had an arm. I went down, feet and coffee went up.

I don't recall fretting about where the coffee went. I think I might have lost a minute of my life as I must have blocked his reaction. All good. I don't need to remember that.

My most recent coffee episode was a Stollery meeting with our CEO. We shared a coffee at a small coffee shop at a small table. As Jaime was sharing her story, I fumbled around with my lid. Didn't seem to fit.

First 3 sips dribbled down and inside my shirt. 4th sip was the winner.

Time slowed to a halt as I watched frame by frame the cup go down and my java inch its way toward her covering the table.

My instinct was to throw my body onto the large brown pool (like putting out a fire), and be the rescuing sham wow. As I got up to proceed with my plan I felt the warmth. Waist to knees soaked, reached inside the purse. I wish I hadn't dumped 5 sugars in.

I have thought a lot about this and put together an emergency kit, only different than most.

Mine has 12 Tide sticks, towels, paper towels, baby wipes, pants, a shirt, socks, scarf and socks.

Now Im prepared.

Is this relevant to Hair Massacure? Yes and No.

If you - in the future choose to meet with me, bring protection.