This post is going to reflect some contained reality, as running an event is not always a walk in the park. Sometimes it is forgotten that this is a family run event, with Mama bear sitting in Papa bears chair. That's a really big chair some days.

I have been running the Massacure since summer of 05. Gord and I separated in 06, and yes I am also a single mom. To answer your next question, he is still involved in the event but not as a driving force, and we do hang out as a family.

I did not start off with fundraising knowledge or experience. Gordon ran this event prior to, with my implemented marketing ideas and schemes (or as I always say - not really mine, more divine). I struggled with catching up with something I knew very little about. There were many growing pains over the years.

The frustration comes in various situations: I'll name only 2 for tonight because there are many. (Just to clarify, with each frustration, there is a delight / accomplishment / a win).

On occasion, I deal with expectations that this event should be more corporate and stream lined to make it easier to manage. Easier - YES. Allowing connection with the people / children - NO.

This is grass roots and that is NOT easy to manage because there are literally thousands to connect with, recognize and honour. Impossible. As much as I try, I still cant get to everyone, although not without a ton of effort. Thousands of names (pledge forms / on-line) and pictures are studied for months after to attempt recognition along with feedback from our many volunteers. I also have a good memory for this sort of thing. (Why I cant remember my hip hop routine or karate corrections is another thing.....). It's harder every year to do this, and yes sometimes someone slips through the cracks and I feel awful about that.

The other frustration is as the popularity of the event grows there are more hands on my "baby" and some folks forget how it developed and where it came from.

I am sure Gord felt like that when I took over (in that someone else was now responsible). The difference is that I would never take the glory from another. Gord is still honoured for what he started.

What used to be interpreted as another "hair brained idea from Tammy's silly brain" is now being snatched and owned by another. The successes of the event that I am responsible for, I attribute to divine thoughts and nothing more. I puzzles me how some need to feed their egos at the expense of others? Its humbling to learn to let these things go, however the human side of me wants to shout out to the world that "HEY - I did THAT!!!!". The polite side of me tends to contain these frustrations, however I am taking a first step in writing about it. As I mentioned before, this blog is not conventional, nor is this event.

At the end of the day, I am a still a mom (a tired one). My feelings exhaust me, brain is spent, and sometimes spirits are low. I always worry about not dropping the ball wearing many hats. Tomorrow is another day and spirits may be high. We are having a captains meeting, so we will see how that goes. For now, it's 12:30 am and I will go to bed with a heavy heart.