Speeding up means slowing down

I havent posted in a while. Being that this is a daily account of a family run event, I going to be forthright about the current status of HM.

I am currently on stress leave. I have some rather serious health issues.

It embarrasses me to admit this, but I am growing tired of the game face. I'm a high strung mom who worries too much and gravitates to pressure.

It has been pointed out to me that the way I manage this event is not to my personal advantage, highly unconventional, and therefore not the wisest plan of time or business management. It is too personal, and in all honesty knocks the wind out of my sails during peak season when adrenaline is over the top.

Anxiety is experienced in everything with HM (with me), even the good stuff, its all highly stimulating.

A shrewd businessman can create business and relationships and leave the "personal" out of it. This allows for extra energy to be utilized for personal use (if he/she chooses to). I'm not shrewd, I'm personal, feeling, sensitive... and exhausted.

If little Johnny was accidentally slighted and did not receive his bear, it's perceived as my fault.

If acknowledgements were forgotten or a commitment not communicated, my fault.

If I was misrepresented in some fashion and this lead to disappointment... still my fault.

We always strive for perfection, appeasing the masses, and reaching all destinations.

I am aware that perfection cannot exist when groups of people work together, the way I feel about that is reflects my stress levels. I want it to be perfectly synergistic.

Im gradually learning (deep down) that it cant.

I'm realizing that charity IS business, and not intended to be about personal reflections of who we are 24 -7.

Bottom line - its the exchange of money from one area (usually of abundance) to another of great need. I want to be a part of that transfer, I want to inspire those that can give to give, I want to educate others about growing issues that need support, and I dont want to get sick doing it.

So, I'm working on it....

Thank God, I was blessed with a sense of humor.

Next post will elaborate a bit about our new project assistant recently hired. Her name is Brandy and it is my hope that she can lighten the load off of myself and especially Nicki (who can taken on many extra duties) as I learn to sit quietly (or quieter) before all H breaks loose in January.