Its been a couple of months since I've blogged. Although I wanted to, the words were not present simply because the brain wasn't either.
For 5 consecutive years our family (primarily myself) have experienced event exhaustion.
Our love for the event is what keeps us involved, however I must be frank - its also overwhelming.
Hair Massacure is synonymous with the MacDonalds. Its our story, our creation, our vision.
We cannot shelve it as it resonates within us, it represents us - it also consumes us.
Comparing with a colicky baby or hyperactive child - every mother feels the love but needs a break now and then. After 7 months, we need a break.
Typically after an event of this enormity, the sight of a finish line becomes the motive to push through and collect all of the necessary data to wrap up, say our thank yous, issue acknowledgements, plan debrief meetings, distribute photos and update website.
In and amongst all of that, there is a captain and youth volunteer appreciation event, school concert and a media release issuing our triumphant success of surpassing the million.
Although sad that Nicki is gone (and back on the River Queen), I am very appreciative to have Brandi for the summer and through to next year. I can no longer manage the upcoming responsibilities throughout these months.
Its a lot to process after the fact when one simply wishes to find a corner to curl up in (in the fetal position) and suck a thumb.
I am relieved to say today... (after an ultra relaxing check-in with Brandi, while sipping on a delicious chocolate banana latte) that we are over the hump and perhaps the production of adrenaline can stabilize (until fall...).
April 30 is our year end. As of 5:00 pm this day, all money collected represented this total.... 1,053,482.40. Yay!!!
This was also the day of the school concert at Neil M Ross where Gord Bamford sang his heart out to a spirited, high achieving group of elementary students who raised 74,000 (again).
Our Gord and daughter Kyrsti gave rave reviews of this performance, and how Gord B interacted with his young audience. The highlight being the signed guitar gifted to two brothers who demonstrated exemplary efforts with fundraising. I am most pleased to hear of this great success!
Sadly, Kali and I did not go to the concert as we were awaiting a difficult decision about Kali's dog Shooter.
Shooter suffered a severe stroke the night before. He left us and came back.
His fate laid in the hands of friend (and HM captain) Marina - our family vet.
Our daughter Kali, frozen with despair, felt that her entire world had just crumbled.
To offer some insight:
During Kalis treatment, getting ready for another 8 hour session of intravenous poison at the Cross Cancer Clinic - a bomb was dropped by our 4 year old that will forever haunt me - "Mommy, if I live through my treatment, can I have little doggy?"
I replied... "we'll get you a camel.... anything for you Kali - just keep fighting".
We went little dog shopping in those last remaining months of her treatment.
Through a miraculous series of events, a friend of a friend hooked us up with "Shooter" - a grand champion puppy (a financial jackpot for his breeder).
Shooter's original destiny was to generate a successful career for this world renowned Papillion breeder (who's puppies are on a 3 year waiting list).
I think fate (God) had a different vision for his calling. He was to be an incentive companion for a little girl battling cancer. Shooter simply stopped growing and was disqualified from the show ring. At 6 months old, he was retired.
Kali received 2 gifts on her 5 th birthday (which was 8 years ago exactly at this time).
She was finally released from her 33 month daily chemotherapy regime AND her wish came true - she got her little dog.
Shooter came to us at 6 months old, all of 2 pounds soaking wet.
At 7 months he was neutered and it was discovered that he had kidney disease. We were encouraged to return him to the breeder as his treatment would be very costly, life span estimated at 6 months. Confirmed by 2 vet clinics, we made the decision to face the music. Shooter was Kali's dog and a part of the family.
Over and above - he was an exceptional little dog that mirrored our daughter in so many ways.
I took him home and made his food (laced with the same herbs I had placed Kali on following treatment).
Shooter overcame his disease 100%. The veterinarians in disbelief.
Broken bones, degenerative arthritis and disjointed knees over these past few years prompting disabling episodes which warranted "final" trips to the vet.
Each time, a last minute plea with "gut feelings" caused Gord and I to reconsider the fate of this special dog and override professional opinions.
Last Thursday night, after a freak traumatic accident, Shooter suffered a massive stroke and sadly collapsed in Mandys arms. His vitals faded away.
The house filled with tears of shock and despair.
I collected Shooter from Mandy and laid him on our kitchen floor. His bladder let go, he was gone.
During this time, our friend Marina (HM captain and veterinarian) slipped into our home, offering her support (I had just called her upon hearing Kali's panic stricken screams).
As moments passed, miraculously his heart resumed, no reflexes. Then reflexes. Gradually he was back, then deteriorated again. The whole family came and surrounded him. He was clearly fading and suffering
The kids all said their good-byes (again). Gord and I made a late night trip to the emergency clinic. It was the most humane thing to do.
The drive there felt like a roller coaster ride in a smooth riding van.
Shooter had a different plan and perked up in the parking lot. His reflexes scrambled to allow him to walk. Perhaps he knew...
We brought him home.
The decision to let him go waffled back and forth several times over these few days, as our vet friend referred to his roller coaster conduction as "bi-polar injury".
Kali and I missed the concert as we sat at home in crippling silence awaiting a call from the clinic.
On Sunday we brought Shooter home and we are no longer waffling. He is at great risk for another upcoming stroke, however... we are looking straight ahead - striving for quality of life.
Shooter is on herbs again. I am happy to report that 5 days later he is running, playing, begging, barking and wagging.
Kali's birthday is next week. We are hopeful.
As for me, I feel compelled to share with all of you my thoughts about these recent afflictions that hit our family.
I have come to believe that everything happens for a reason.
I feel our dog was a catalyst for lessons for each of us involved in the family.
On that note, after HM and prior to Shooter - my girlfriend and stepmom were diagnosed.
My attention took a sharp turn in the direction of friends and family.
I will humbly share that I have not been in a healthy state of mind following our amazing and incredible event. Simply put - burnt out.
Im not too proud to admit that I was succumbing to a depression (understandably after months of high adrenaline). This does not embarrass me to be human, however this recent upheaval felt like a sharp, well deserved kick in the pants.
I have obviously forgotten the miracles I witnessed on 4E3, and the celebratory triumphs over lives spared like the Taylor's, and the Eli's, MacKenzie's, Kali's, Kim's, Cayne's, Robert's, Shirley's and Shooters...
Sometimes I think we get so caught up in the day to day difficulties and adversaries that consume our lives, we become blinded, missing those little miracles and lessons that exist as well.
Because we are living a human experience, I am certain that my epiphany will eventually fade, roping me back into another reminder and a kick in the pants.
Until then .... I am present and filled with a renewed appreciation for life.
